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My awesome, grand, gloriously stupid dream...
me and friends
robot_things
I have a dream. My closest friends know of this, even though I haven’t spoken of it very often. But it burns in me. It’s always there. Sometimes when things are bleak and I’m a little down on myself, I’ll think about my dream and it’ll make me smile, giggle, even. And it’s doable. It doesn’t involve being an athlete or a master musician or a movie star, or having enough charisma to get with a movie star (that’s another dream), my own limitations are a big part of what makes this dream awesome. It doesn’t require super intelligence or any type of skills at all. It’s just so gloriously stupid that - even though I never will - I would love to do it.
It’s one of those things I’m going to wonder about on my deathbed, a shoulda. The great thing about it, really, is that I could do it. That’s what I hold on to. The mighty truth that this dream, this test of my willingness to perform above the call of sanity (or at the very least next to it), is actually easily attainable.

There is a place about five minutes walking distance from my house called Academie Saido. It’s a martial art school. The front of that place is all windows from floor to ceiling so, when I walk by, I can see the thirty-odd students practicing their moves with the teacher. I would love to find the time to take a class there, martial arts are awesome. But that’s not my dream. Everytime I walk by that place I dream my dream, and as a result, something inside me glows brighter than the sun. The question burns me, it drives me, it is haunting and liberating and as meaningful as it is useless, like “What would I do with a million dollars?” A comfort question. A question who’s answer is full of stories, of incredible feats, of adventure. Every time I walk by Academie Saido I ask myself: “How long would I last?”

How long would I last if, at peak hour, when the entire space is filled with students practicing their kicks and punches and defensive manoeuvres, I walked in there and sucker punched the teacher and started fighting all the students at once. Clearly the teacher has to go down first, or else I’m fucked. But if, IF, I walk in there and he think’s I’m just some dude enquiring about class schedules or whatever, and I lightning kick his face across his head and flatten his balls with a ninja punch, just fucking lay the poor guy down before he has time to react (and he is quite likely a master, so that’s possibly farfetched right there) and all we’re left with is me versus 30 students of various degrees of martial artsness who can’t fucking believe what is happening, how long would I last? Because, obviously, once the teacher goes down I don’t waste a second, I start punching random peeps right away. And kicking. And with a little luck, they ALL fight me, running in to defend their master. And I have no doubt in my mind I would get the shit kicked out of me something fierce. It’s just math, the odds are stacked against me from the start. But how long would I last? And are there weapons in this place? People could be coming at me with nunchucks, which is bad but also awesome, and introduces the possibility that I TAKE the nunchucks off of some poor sap’s hands and start fighting off people with them. Can you imagine? Or sticks? How much of a beating could I take before I went down? How many could I take down with me?

When I’d wake up the next day, in the hospital, bruised and black and blue and aching and swollen, I’d smile, man, a stupid glorious smile, because I’d have fucking done it. The most retarded thing I’d probably ever do (and never will, please don’t worry about this), but still… One can dream.



ps: please don't read this as an endorsement to just fucking attack anything randomely as a little personal mount Everest. As for myself, I'm sure the people of Academie Saido are great folks and I wish them zero harm...

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